1. As you lie alone in your darkened, temperature-controlled bedroom, comfortably ensconced between satin sheets that are cool and slippery, but not too cool and slippery, see if you can count up how many men you've ever seriously dated in your entire life. 2. If the number is less than ten, move on to philosophical musings about how your finer points have always gone unappreciated. 3. If the number is greater than ten, reflect upon how your standards were always too low. 4. Once you have selected your most meaningful relationships, see if you can rank each of these past significant others on a five-point scale in terms of how much pain they caused you. For this purpose, "five" will signify, "So toxic that I still long to rip his head off." "One" will mean, "So dull and soulless and directionless that no one would miss him if he dropped dead." Wonder if sheer obnoxiousness, plus the fatal flaw of falling out of love with you...
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